Before Ra She is Angry

Today is a Procession of Bast Before Ra, She is Angry.  We are meant to bring beautiful and delicious offerings before Bast to be in Her favor during this day, and yet, it’s late and I have some other things going on.

I cannot, in this state of tiredness, do much for the anger of Bast.  However, I did wind up doing something right by Bast-Mut today.

I started a keto diet recently and was doing good for a while, but then I needed food bad (I live in various places as a flight attendant, commute to another state, don’t have my own car, etc) and cheated on my diet with Chinese food.  WOW.  

Ever since I had cheated on the diet, I felt HORRIBLE.  I felt guilty.  I was putting myself down.  I WAS EATING MY HEART.

I cheated more.  More guilt. More heart eating.

Today, in lack of proper food, time, and more guilt for having eaten cereal for breakfast (the only thing I had), I didn’t eat anything until just now.  Roughly 12 hours of tiny snacks and a small bowl of cereal.  I was starving myself for lack of proper keto food.  For guilt.

My real mom knocked a bit of sense into me, as we were following the diet together, and told me basically to screw the diet, you are starving, you need to keep your metabolism going.

And then as I sat here eating my sandwich and dedicating it to Bast-Mut, I finally felt that jab of an angry goddess who has been teaching me AGAINST eating my heart these past years.  I thought I had finally gotten over it but here I was, doing it in a different way.

So while this has nothing to do with the festival, it does have to do with an angry Bast-Mut.  She is angry because She loves me so much.

And as we share this sandwich together, guilt-free, I feel that yes, I have appeased her.

I am Beloved

While the website was born as a desire to round up information on Bast-Mut, it has turned into even more than that.  It has turned into a blog in which I can share my experiences, and know this, my experiences aren’t limited to just Mother alone.

I am beloved of two wonderful Netjeru, both Mafdet and Heru-sa-Aset.

They tend to fall more on the quieter spectrum (save for that one week after Wep Ronpet when Heru was buzzing around with energy!), but they are no less important to me in my life.

Mafdet comes to me, sometimes with the head of a cheetah, sometimes a serval, and She usually means business.  I’ve seen Her described as a “smaller, pointier, Sekhmet,” and gosh that is just so true!  I know there is some warmth there, She’s not business all the time, and yet I feel She always has my back and that I am always protected by Her.  She is primal, fierce, strong.  I still work to understand Her fully and I feel Her through emotional impressions.

Heru had also been quiet for a couple of years, and only recently did He speak up.  After Wep Ronpet, I felt so much energy coming from Him, and our communication was amazing at that point.  He would ‘talk’ to me, and I get him strongly in visuals and also emotional impressions.  I received a very delicious cookie at a hotel during that week and oh boy did He want that!  He got His cookie and He was pleased.  He is a King, and also has serious business to attend to, yet I do get more of a playful side to Him.  He likes to joke a little and tries to keep things more lighthearted.  Still, He protects and watches over me.

I’m considering making each of them their own little page on this site as I have done with Mom.  They deserve all I can give them for all the love and protection they have shown me.

Time to Listen – KRT

God radios: How to live with one, how to live without one. What happens if the reception is bad, or the gods quit responding?

Listening.

One of the biggest parts of learning to communicate is learning to simply listen.

With all your senses, listen.

Netjer will speak to you in different ways, in different forms, in different feelings.

When I first started communicating with deities, I realized I had been blessed with a very strong “godphone.”  I hear the voices of my Mother, not with my physical ears, but in the form of an internal dialogue.  Most of the time it’s accompanied by different feelings, based on Her own.  It took me quite some time before I was able to trust the voices in my head as being those of the divine.  Discernment is something that is VERY important to any spiritual practice which involves spirits and deities.

Heru-sa-Aset talks more in images as well as some words.  There was one instance where I was in a semi-meditative state and we were playing chess together.  It was pretty lucid!  Mafdet rarely speaks, but I feel her in image flashes and emotions.  She is like a burning flame just out of reach.

Netjer can be subtle.  They can speak to you in pictures, in synchronicities, perhaps a certain song on the radio at a certain time.

This is where I stress it again.

Listen.

Provide an offering and open yourself up to communication in all forms.  Take notice of anything that might be different, out of place, or at the right place at the right time.  Watch the flicker of a candle as you speak to your deities.  Learn to use a pendulum, or even work with the tarot cards, in moderation.  Often times they prefer us to listen to them directly.  It’s ok to trust the images and impressions you get in your mind!  Just consider them for a time first before you jump to conclusions that it was a communicated message.

You don’t have to hear your gods in words in order to have a relationship!  Sometimes the signal comes and goes, but that doesn’t mean that your gods have left you.  Just because the communication dwindles for a time, and mine has on occasion, it’s important to keep praying and keep listening.  They are there, they are paying attention, but perhaps they want you to take this alone for a time.

And if your communication becomes too good? It’s important to set boundaries and stand up for yourself.  They will understand!  Don’t feel that just because a god is bothering you for something at a bad time, that you need to drop everything and do it.  Take care of yourself.

and Listen.

Appearance of Bast of Ankhtawy

I have abnormal working hours due to my job, and so it happens I have decided to celebrate the Appearance of Bast of Ankhtawy a couple of days early!  Perhaps this early write-up can provide some sort of inspiration for your own festivities.

After I settled down into the hotel and got myself together, I set up my little Bast-Mut icon at the windowsill to enjoy some sunlight.  This was Her “Appearing,” as she was in the window and visible to those who could see her.  That was one offering to Her, the warmth of the sunlight and a prime sitting place to watch both me and the world outside.

I put the beautiful scent of potpourri next to Her as well as my rattle in which I was going to do a little bit of singing and noise making to welcome Her forth.

In the fading sunlight, I walked across the street to Subway to get some food, which I offered before eating myself, as well as a cookie to present to Her as I offered some written prayers to be granted.  After my offerings, I took my rattle and did a little song and dance, with the window still open mind you, because this is Her Appearance and while I’m dancing and singing for Her, I’m also not to be hiding myself.

With all said and done, I reverted the cookie and closed the curtains so that She could still watch over the world before I put the icon and items away before my bedtime.

All and all, even though it was short and sweet and simple, it was a pleasant little celebration and I was happy to do take part in this for Her.

Being Her Solider

If I were to describe my relationship with my Mother, Bast-Mut, besides the obvious of being Her daughter, I would describe it as both loving as well as formal. She is still Bast, retaining all the love and joy that is within Her domain, but in Her role as Queen, She is demanding of respect and reverence. She doesn’t allow me to make excuses most of the time, and yet I still do in some cases (I’m working on that.)  If I have a full bath or shower present, I’m required to do the full purification before senut and I’m not allowed to shorthand that.  Despite many of these small requirements, I am also Her child and She does relax Her rules when She knows I’m doing my best with what I have.

She is warm and accepting, and there are many times where I’ve felt Her actually embrace me while in shrine.  In Her presence, I am brought to tears, making me shake a little, making it hard to speak.  I feel Her piercing gaze seeing the whole of who I am, and loving me despite my flaws.  As other children of Mom have stated, She is kind of hard to grasp at times and can be hard to define.  Get to know Her children in order to understand Her.  All I can work from are my own experiences. That is enough for me.

And yet, I am still Her soldier, and my duty is to Her and to Ma’at.always.  This is the formal part of our relationship.  I’m still to watch my actions, to help and aid others when I can, and to perform on Her behalf.  I know that it is in my future to become a priest, and I know it is Her will to have me continue to serve both Herself and the community. I have many years to go, but She is a Goddess, and She is ever patient.

She is the joy and light of my life, and if I ever stray and feel that all is just my imagination, She steps in with both a hug and perhaps the smallest of slaps like a mama cat would to her kitten.  Shame on me for thinking She wasn’t there!  She is the flame that keeps me going on the darkest of days, and I am ever blessed to have Bast-Mut in my life.